To Mary Keily
21 February 1880 • Hartford, Conn.
(Bradford County [Towanda, Penn.] Reporter,
25 March 1880, UCCL 10652)

Well, Mary, my friend, you must think I am a slow sort of correspondent, [&] the truth is, I am. You must forgive this fault; it is one which I have never been able to correct. I am a pretty busy person, [&] a very lazy one; therefore I am apt to let letters lie a long time before I answer them. However, once a year, on or about Washington’s Birthday, I rake together all the unanswered letters [&] reply to them. I meant to answer the letter you sent me some weeks ago, but waited for Washington’s Birthday to come. Write to me when you feel like it, Mary, but don’t you feel hurt if I keep you waiting till the next Washington’s Birthday for an answer. I do not feel half so much hurried [&] bothered when I have a year to answer a letter in as I do when people expect an answer right away. I only send money to people once a year, too, [&] that is on Washington’s Birthday, so you see if I had answered you earlier I could have not sent you the five dollars until now.

Take this check which I enclose, [&] go to the bank with Mr. Miller, [&] he will tell the banker you are the person named in it, [&] will give you the money, or if you choose, you can mail the check (after writing your name on the back of it), to Messrs. George P. Bissell & Co., Hartford, Conn., telling them to send you a postal order, [&] they will send it by return mail. I think your idea of getting those clergymen together at a dinner table is a very good one. They will have to put up with each other’s society a good long time in heaven, so they may as well begin to get used to it here. Besides, I think, as you do, that their coming together in a friendly spirit will have good influence on other people. I am much obliged to you for asking me to be present [&] carve the turkey, but I must not go. Always when I carve a turkey I swear a little. (All people do to themselves—but I swear right out. I never could help it, though it has cost me many a pang). I think a person ought not to swear where clergymen are, unless they provoke him. Well, I couldn’t be there, anyway, because I have to stay at home [&] stick close to my work, else this nation would become so ignorant in a little while that it would break one’s heart to look at it. No, you [&] I have our separate duties in this world, Mary—your line is to humanize the clergy, [&] mine is to instruct the public. Let us not interfere with each other’s functions. I have a most kindly sympathy towards you [&] your work, [&] perhaps that is a better contribution than mine would be. You say “Pity me”—indeed I do, [&] that is a true word. I wish I could tell you whether those are genuine visions [&] inspirations you have written me about, but I cannot be absolutely certain. They seem to me to be just like all the visions [&] inspirations I have ever heard of, [&] so I think you may rest assured that yours are as [perfect &] true [&] genuine [&] trustworthy as any that have ever happened in the world. Now let that comfort you, Mary, let that give peace to your troubled spirit, [&] believe me your friend.

S. L. [Clemens], (Mark Twain.)

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Source text(s):

“Mark Twain’s Regrets,” Bradford County [Towanda, Penn.] Reporter, 25 March 1880, 1.

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