Mark Twain at last sees that the Saturday Review’s criticism of his Innocents Abroad was not serious, and he is intensely mortified at the thought of having been so badly sold[.] He takes the only course left him, and in the last Galaxy claims that he wrote the criticism himself, and published it in the Galaxy to sell the public. This is ingenious, but unfortunately it is not true. If any of our readers will take the trouble to call at this office we will show them the original article in the Saturday Review of October 8, which, on comparison, will be found to be identical with the one published in the Galaxy. The best thing for Mark to do will be to admit that he was sold, and say no more about it.(“Notes and Notions,” 4)

If the “Enquirer” people, through any agent, will produce at The Galaxy office a London “Saturday Review” of October 8th, containing an “article which, on comparison, will be found to be identical with the one published in The Galaxy,” I will pay to thatagent five hundred dollars cash. Moreover, if at any specified time I fail to produce at the same place a copy of the London “Saturday Review” of October 8th, containing a lengthy criticism upon the “Innocents Abroad,” entirely different, in every paragraph and sentence, from the one I published in The Galaxy, I will pay to the “Enquirer’s” agent another five hundred dollars cash. I offer Sheldon & Co., publishers, 500 Broadway, New York, as my “backers.” . . .

In next month’s Galaxy, if they do not send the agent and take this chance at making a thousand dollars where they do not need to risk a single cent, they shall be exposed. I think the Cincinnati “Enquirer” must be edited by children. (SLC 1871, 319)

We fear that our relations with “Mark Twain” are becoming serious. We used to consider him a funny man, but we find him as matter-of-fact as a last-year’s bird’s-nest. . . .

Mr. Twain published in the Galaxy what purported to be a review of his “Innocents Abroad,” taken from the Saturday Review. He treated it with great gravity, and we professed to believe that he had been sold. The Hon. Mr. Twain laughed at us, and declared upon his word of honor that he had written it himself. As he had lied about it in the first place we thought that there would be no harm in doing a little additional lying, and therefore we asserted that the article in question did appear in the Saturday Review of October 8, and offered to show it to any inquiring person who might call at our office. Nobody ever called. . . . Now we have Mr. Twain in the Galaxy copying our article, and crying in a loud voice . . .

Now, this is all bosh. As Mark Twain never told the truth in his life, how are we to know that he is not lying about his inordinate desire to gamble? . . . We are not to be “bluffed.” We deputize George, the Count Joannes, to defend us in this matter. If he is convinced that our position is tenable, and that the Saturday Review, of October 8, will bear us out, he is authorized to cover any money which he finds in the hands of Sheldon & Co. to the credit of Marcus Aurelius Twain. As for Mr. Twain’s threat of exposure, we care nothing. . . . Mr. Twain ought to have more respect for his infant son than to be making a “noodle” of himself. Upon the whole, we have about concluded that the “Memoranda” of the Galaxy is edited by a lunatic. (“Notes and Notions,” 4)