St Louis, Sept. 21, 1868.
My Honored Sister:
I cannot frame language so that it will express to you how grateful I am for that large charity & thoughtful consideration which prompted you to speak so gently when you could have wounded so deeply. I had wished ever so much to receive a reply from you, & yet dreaded it—for I could not believe it possible, under the circumstances, that you could write a letter that would not give me pain, no matter how hard you might try to avoid it. But you [did.—It ]was almost a miracle. Therefore, is it strange that I am grateful?
And I thank you for the happy surprise the picture brought—I thank you more than I can tell—though I never blamed you in the least for withholding it before. ‸formerly.‸ I never dreampt of such a thing—for I believed then, & still believe, that whatever you do is always right. And ‸so,‸ now that you have set aside that just & proper rule of conduct to give me this gratification, I know that you have done it with a free will, & that the gift is sent without reluctance or distrust. You know too well the high honor & respect I hold you in, my sister, to fear that you can ever have cause to repent your transgressed law.
You say to me: “I shall pray for you daily.” Not any words that ever were spoken to me have touched me like these. They have recurred to my mind often & again—& so I have been thinking, thinking, thinking—& what I have arrived at, is the conviction that I would be less than a man if I went on in my old careless way while you were praying for me—if I showed lack of respect, worthiness, reverence, while the needs of one like me were being voiced in the august presence of God. I had not thought of this before, ◇◇◇ I beg that you will continue to pray for me—for I have a vague, far-away sort of idea that it may not be wholly in vain. In one respect, at least, it shall not be in vain—for I will so mend my conduct that I shall grow worthier of your prayers, & your good will & sisterly solicitude, as the days go by. Furthermore, (—it has taken me long [ time to make ]up my mind to say these grave words, which, once said, cannot be recalled,) I will “pray with you,” as you ask: and with such faith & such encouragement withal, as are in me, though feeble & of little worth I feel they must be. It seems strange enough to me—this, reverence, this solemnity, this supplication—& yet, you must surely have some faith that it will not necessarily be useless, else you would not have suggested it. You do not speak carelessly. [ {And you ‸{You‸ ]preceive that I do not think you have written “too earnestly.”}
I was so sorry Charlie could not come further West with me, for he is a good traveling comrade, & if he has any unworthy traits in his nature the partiality born of old companionship has blinded me to [them. Mrs. ]Fairbanks was very proud of him that night of the reception in at her house. But I am glad, now, that he did not come to St. Louis. He would have had no rest here—I have none—& it is a muddy, smoky, mean city to run about in. I am called [East.—Must ]finish my [ f ]visit here in January. I leave Thursday—24th.1 I shall rest in Chicago & in Cleveland, & I desire also to tarry a day & a night in Elmira ‸(Monday 28th)‸ if your doors are still open to me & you have not reconsidered your kind invitation.
I fear you did not expect to hear from me so soon—but still you will forgive this letter, will you not? Consider, my indulgent sister, that after all it is only I that so offend. Good-night. The peace that belongeth unto the good, the just & the beautiful, abide with you alway!
—Which is the prayer of him who is proud to write himself—
Your affectionate Brother
Sam‸ ℓ ‸. L. Clemens.
Miss Olivia L. Langdon | Elmira | New York. [postmarked:] st louis mo. sep 22 [docketed by OLL:] 2nd
Explanatory Notes | Textual Commentary
Source text(s):Previous publication:
L2, 250–251; LLMT, 20–22.
Provenance:see Samossoud Collection, pp. 515–16.
Emendations and textual notes:
did.—It • [Clemens’s dash does not fall at the end of a line here and is therefore not emended. He departed once more in this letter from his normal practice (of never following a period with a dash except at a line end) at 251.15 (see entry below).]
time to make • [‘to make’ over ‘time’]
{And you ‸{You‸ • {And y ‸{Y‸ou
them. Mrs. • them.— |Mrs.
East.—Must • East. |—Must
f • [partly formed]
