To
Mary Mason Fairbanks
17 June 1868 • San Francisco, Calif.
(MS and transcript: CSmH and
San Francisco Morning Call, 17 June 68, UCCL 02735)
Occidental Hotel,
San F, June 17.
My Dear Mother=
I am back to the old place again. I was sail At our table at the Lick House they had a fashion of fining delinquents champagne for the party when they absented themselves from dinner without leave. I never could remember to ask leave, & yet often went out to dinner. The fines cost me more than my board. It was too much luxury. I came home again. Now I can go out to dinner as much as I [please, ; I ]in case any one chooses to invite me, & therefore rejoice thou, for I am happy.1
This letter of May 26th is the best you have written me—& it convinces me that you are steadily improving, because I always think ‸recognize‸ your last ‸to be‸ the best. I was ever so glad to receive it, & have begun at once to answer it, instead of going on moralizing over the Sphynx. The Sphynx has “kept” for several thousand years, & will doubtless continue to keep until I write to my faithful mother.
No, I am not going to Europe yet. I talked the matter over with Mr Burlingame, for [two [or] three ]hours, & saw that it was both impracticable & inexpedient.
What did I ever write about the Holy Land that was so peculiarly lacerating? The most straight-laced of the preachers here cannot well get through a sermon without turning aside to give me a [blast?. ]The last remark reported to me from the pulpit is to “this son of the Devil, Mark Twain!” It is a fine flight of fancy, anyway, isn’t it? If I only get time to write the article I have in my head, I will make that parson climb a tree. Don’t you distress yourself. It is only the small-fry ministers who assail me. All those of high rank & real influence I visit, dine & swap lies with, just the same as ever. They have complained of nothing save the rudeness & coarseness of those Holy Land letters which you did not revise.2
Yes’m, I am going to settle down, now, right away. And when I get settled down I will weight myself down so that I shall stay. I will put a brick in my hat the very first thing. And others on top of it from time to time.3 But [ josh joking ]aside, I am going to settle down some day, even if I have to do it in a cemetery. I say these things to encourage you, more than e anything else. I do not wish to see you despondent. And you shall not be, as long as I know how to spell, & put up comforting sentences.
O, Geeminy! {That stands for a sigh.} I shall get the Sphynx & the rest of Egypt off my mind to-day, & to-morrow set sail from Alexandria, homeward bound! You cannot imagine what a broader world of pleasant significance is in those words to me, now, voyaging drearily over accumulating reams of paper, than ever they bore to my mind when the Quaker City turned her bows westward. Then, it was the most regretful day to me, of the whole w voyage—now, it is the happiest. Cuss the cussed book, anyhow. I wish I were a profane young man—how I would let fly the adjectives sometimes. [ ‸But I am staunch & true.‸ ]
I am writing page No. [ 1,843. ‸2,343.‸ ]I wish you could revise this mountain of MSS. for me. There will be a great deal more than enough for the book when it is finished, & I am glad. I can cut out a vast deal that ought to perish. I mean to only glance at Spain & the islands of the return voyage. If I talked much about the week in Spain I should be sure to [ char- ]caricature Miss Newell. It would surely creep in somewhere.4
According to the contract, I have to put in that N. Y. Herald valedictory squib which worried you so much—but that is all right. I read it over yesterday, & found that it gave a perfectly accurate idea of the excursion. I have marked som out some sentences. That article is so mild, so gentle, that I can hardly understand how I ever wrote such literary gruel. But I shall not make it more savage. I must have been full of charity & generous feeling when I wrote that—let it stand as a testimony that I am moved by gentle impulses sometimes. You know what they said about me at Gibraltar when I was absent—& O, I could have said such savage things about [ them, in & — w & would ]have done, it, too, if they had had full swing in the metropolitan newspapers to reply. Trust me for that, Madam.5
I would so much like to write a letter some letters for the Cleveland Herald, but I have gotten myself buried, at last, under such a hill of unliquidated literary obligations that I dare not think of it. I have neglected the Chicago Republican almost entirely, & the New York Tribune & the [Magazines ]completely. I am very thankful to Mr. Fairbanks for the offer, though, & appreciate his kindness thoroughly. I hope to be less pushed for time, when the book is off my hands.6
I have more letters from splendid friends in China & Japan, offering me princely hospitalities for months. Can’t go, now. Did you ever know a China-bred Merchant prince? No? Then you have yet to look upon man in his most the fairest type of [man. Ross ]Browne will be here in a few days with a nice sinecure in his Embassy for me—I gave my word that I would take it—& now my [stateroom ]is engaged for the States. I sail ‸in the “Sacramento”‸ June 30.—arrive in New York in the “Henry Chauncey” July 22d.7
Sp It was splendid for Mollie!8 I have a second appreciative relative in the family, at any rate. To tell the truth I have a sort of sneaking fondness for “people that it is hard for them to be good,” myself. We shall get along well when the [“re-union” ]transpires. Did Mr. Beach & Emma arrive? Did you go east? Have you seen the other cub?9 How is the dog? If he neglects to wipe his feet on the mat before he comes in, & is in all places & at all times blundering & heedless, he will do no discredit to his name. But don’t chain him. It makes me restive to think of it.10
“When will I come?” Just as soon as engagements in New York & Hartford will [permit. Write ]me, care of Dan Slote, 121 William street, & say when any of the other pilgrims will be likely to be there. As I am “touching them on the raw” [ of occasionally ]in the book—albeit very gently—I would like to shake hands with them—Church especially, who is a bully pilgrim. {There it goes again.}11
My kindest regards & fervent good wishes unto yourself & all [your ]household.
And now I will tackle the Sphynx again.
Your Returning Prodigal
Sam L. Clemens.
[in margin:] This good-natured, well-meaning ass, “Pipes,” is Stephen Massett—just from Calcutta & Hong-Kong, where he has been giving readings of mine & Artemas Ward’s articles.12
[enclosure:]
|
“pipes” to “mark twain,” esq My Dear Sir:—Understanding you are about San Francisco, June 14, 1868. |
Explanatory Notes | Textual Commentary
Dining room of the Lick House, San Francisco, 1871. The Bancroft Library (CU-BANC).
Mark Twain has been to church. He attended twice last Sunday. Since he returned from the Holy Land he has carefully avoided
ministers, the promptings of a guilty conscience having admonished him to beware of them, lest they should “give him a
blast,” to use the language of the ungodly. He would dodge around the corner at the sight of a clergyman, as a dog runs
from the pound-keeper. But, last Sunday morning he was prevailed upon to attend church, and his mind was greatly relieved upon his
being cordially received after service by the officiating clergyman, who, in warm terms, complimented his letters from the Holy
Land. He left the church an altered man, and on his way home deviated from the shortest route, in order to pass boldly by numerous
churches. He was suddenly seized with a church-going mania, and in the evening hurried to another house of worship. He entered
boldly, walked up the aisle with head erect, and took a seat almost immediately “under the droppings of the divine
sanctuary.” The clergyman was a new comer, of the Baptist persuasion, and his sermon was eloquent and impressive. He told
of the visit of Onesimus to Rome, and the impression made upon the mind of the simple rustic at the sight of such splendor and
magnificence, and when he inquired for Paul, how the crowd in that great city jeered and ridiculed him. “And what is
ridicule?” asked the clergyman. “It is the argument of small minds on subjects far above their comprehension;
it is the weapon of cowards.” In short, he was particularly severe on the subject of ridicule;
“and,” said he, “there are the letters of this person, Mark Twain, who visits the Holy Land and
ridicules sacred scenes and things. The letters are sought after and eagerly read, because of his puerile attempts at wit, and
miserable puns upon subjects which are dear to every Christian heart. It is not right that he should take away the faith of a people
without giving them something in return.” In fact, he handled the funny traveller without gloves, and caused many eyes to
be turned toward Mr. Twain, who manifested considerable signs of uneasiness. After the service had concluded, Mark advanced to the
preacher, and, holding out his hand, said: “Sir, I never receive a good dressing-down which I deserve unless I thank the
party for it. I am Mark Twain. I feel that I deserve everything which you have said about me, and I wish to heartily thank
you.” The minister was surprised and embarrassed. He had not intended to speak unkindly or unjustly. “Oh, of
course not. I could easily see that, by your manner and tone,” replied Mark. “I think you are wrong in the
positions you have frequently taken in regard to the Holy Land,” said the clergyman. “I know I am,”
replied Mark, “but not altogether.” “Well, no: perhaps not, altogether,” replied the
clergyman. After a few more remarks of a kindly nature, Mark retired gracefully, running the gauntlet of the eyes of the whole
congregation, who had gathered on the church steps to witness his exit. The scene was witnessed, and the conversation overheard, by
a number of the audience. Mark has been heard to say since, that he is aware that he went to great lengths in his Holy Land letters;
but then, “Those Pilgrims, you know,” they so worried and annoyed the “missionary,”
that, in the heat of momentary passion, he has written many words which his cooler judgment did not approve, and which will not
appear in his forthcoming book, which is being prepared in the quiet of his study, away from “Pilgrim”
influences. (“Mark Twain at Church”, San Francisco Morning Call, 20 May 68, 1) Although this report has been dismissed as a fabrication (see Lauber, 228), Clemens himself identified and replied to his critic in a signed manuscript written sometime later that week,
addressed to—but never published in—Frederick Marriott’s San Francisco News Letter
and California Advertiser (Rowell, 12): If the Rev. Dr. Thomas, who gave me such a terrific setting-up in his sermon last Sunday
night—& in very good grammar, too, for a minister of the gospel—had only traveled with me in the
Holy Land, I could have shown him how much real harm is done to religion by the wholesale veneration lavished upon things that
‸are‸ mere excrescences upon it; which mar it; & which should be torn from it by reasoning or carved from it by
ridicule. They provoke the sinner to scoff, when he ought to be considering the things about him that are really holy. It is all
very well to respect the devotee’s feelings, but let us respect
‸have a thought for‸ the sinner’s failings, ‸at the same time‸ —
‸failings, in the meantime—‸ he has a soul to be saved, as well as the devotee.... The devotee being safe, had
better in charity suffer a little, than he
‸that the sinner‸ be damned. (SLC 1868
[MT00733], 10–11) The Reverend Jesse Burgess Thomas, D.D. (1832–1915), was the new pastor of the First Baptist Church. A
graduate of Kenyon College and Rochester Theological Seminary, Thomas left his position at the Pierrepont Street Church, Brooklyn, to
take this appointment in San Francisco, preaching there for the first time on 1 March. On 17 May he preached at 1:00 and 7:45 p.m. (San Francisco Examiner: “Religious Intelligence,” 27 Jan
68, 3; “The New Pastor,” 2 Mar 68, 3; “Religious Notices for To-morrow,” San Francisco
Evening Bulletin, 16 May 68, 5). Clemens also defended himself in general against the
“abuse” he received for what he had written or said about the Holy Land: I acknowledge that I have written irreverently, but I did ‸it‸ heedlessly, or when out of
temper—never in cold blood. I did fail somewhat in reverence for Jacob, whose character all the
bookmake[r]s praise so highly, but that was honest. I revered the really holy ‸
persons & things &
‸ places, & ‸deliberately & intentionally‸ derided only the sham manifest shams. The
bookmakers all deride them in private conversation, ‸themselves,‸ but weep over them in their books. (SLC 1868 [MT00733], 7–9) In May and June Clemens attempted to write at least three other replies to his clerical critics: one early in May,
which was left unpublished; another condensed from the first, probably in the first two weeks of June, intended as part of chapter 46
of The Innocents Abroad but ultimately not included; and a third, probably in mid- to late June, which
likewise remained unpublished (SLC 1868 [MT00658], 1868 [MT00739], 1868 [MT00741]). In the last attempt Clemens said in part: The Savior & him crucified his doctrines we can all accept, & all revere.
“Love one another;” “Do unto others as ye would that they should do unto you.” This
religion is good & pure—and rational, & capable of being understood. The Savior lived his doctrine. His example, ‸just‸ as well as his words the mere words of his teachings, are full of
usefulness to the world.
Very well. But I do claim the right to protest against the ancient children of Israel & the patriarchs being
set up for veneration; against their very bad characters being studiously left uncriticised, & their exceedingly slim
virtues being as studiously brought forward & glorified until,
the world is deceived into the idea that they the world is defrauded
‸persuaded‸ into the idea that they
‸these men‸ were nothing whatever but miraculous concentrations of virtue ‸& wisdom‸ unalloyed by any
demerit; against their wandering, nomadic, unprogressive, pure savagery of their manner of life,
; being
‸
and
‸
& their insubordination, to rulers & to God, & their cruelty, ferocity,
& love of ‸raiding,‸ rapine, & pitiless slaughter of women & children; ‸I
do protest against such deeds & customs‸ being offered for praise & emulation.... I wish to say one very suggestive thing in this connection. I cannot find a man—be he preacher,
church member or writer—who will speak well of Jacob or the Children of Israel, in private conversation; & I
cannot find one who will speak otherwise than well of them in the pulpit or in print. Perhaps some one will
explain this mystery to me? If a man think a thing, why not say it? (SLC 1868 [MT00741], 1–2, 22–23) Clemens could have socialized with any of several San Francisco clergymen he knew, including, among others: the
Reverend Horatio Stebbins (1821–1902), pastor of the First Unitarian Church; the Reverend Charles Wadsworth, pastor of
Calvary Presbyterian Church (1814–82); Henry Martyn Scudder (1822–95), pastor of Howard Presbyterian Church;
and Andrew Leete Stone (1815–92), pastor of the First Congregational Church. Stebbins and Wadsworth were two of the more
prominent clergymen in San Francisco; both men delivered morning sermons on 17 May (unlike Scudder and Stone, who preached only in
the evening), and therefore either might have been the clergyman who, according to the Call reporter,
“complimented his letters from the Holy Land” (L1, 369 n. 2; SLC 1868 [MT00607];
“Religious Notices for To-morrow,” San Francisco Evening Bulletin, 16 May 68, 5; Langley
1868, 596, 737, 741–42, 744). They were also the clergymen to whom Clemens turned, later in 1868, when he needed character
references from San Francisco (see 29 Dec 68 to Langdon, n.
2). Clemens’s announcement for a 16 May 1868 Lick House banquet, page 2 of a four-page folder (whose verso is
probably blank). Clemens’s burlesque menu for the banquet, page 3 of the folder. From a photograph in the Mark Twain Papers, The
Bancroft Library (CU-MARK). See p. 224 n. 1.
J. Ross Browne’s nomination to the Chinese Mission has been sent to the Senate by the President, and
there is very little doubt that it will be confirmed. I cordially hope so, partly because he is a good man and a talented one; a
literary man and consequently entitled to high honors; and also because he has kindly invited me to take a lucrative position on his
staff in case he goes to China, and I have accepted, with that promptness which so distinguishes me when I see a chance to serve my
country without damaging my health by working too hard.... I am the only man that can fill the bill. I am able to write a hand that
will pass for Chinese in Peking or anywhere else in the world. (SLC 1868
[MT00642]) Clemens persisted in saying publicly that he intended to visit China when his book was finished, but he never did
so (SLC 1868 [MT00744]; “Mark
Twain,” San Francisco Alta California, 6 July 68, 1). Browne, accompanied by his family, arrived in
San Francisco from New York on 4 July and left for China on 3 August. He soon decided, however, that he could no longer support the
terms of the Burlingame treaty, and in July 1869 resigned his post when the Grant administration hinted its intention to replace him
(San Francisco Alta California: “Arrival of the ‘Japan,’” 4 July
68, 1; “The Chinese Mission,” 3 Aug 68, 2; Williams,
199–205). Had Clemens traveled on 30 June, he would have taken the Sacramento from San Francisco
and connected with the Arizona (not the Henry Chauncey) for New York (“Ocean
Steamers,” San Francisco Alta California, 17 June 68, 4). In fact, he postponed his trip until the
following week (see 5 July to Bliss).
Source text(s):Previous publication:
L2, 221–231; MTMF, 28–32, without the enclosures. Of the two enclosures, SLC 1868
[MT00740] was widely and frequently reprinted by contemporary newspapers (see ET&S3, no. 230); the Massett letter was not reprinted, as far as is known.
Provenance:see Huntington Library, p. 512.
Emendations and textual notes:
please, ; I • [‘I’ partly formed; semicolon mended to a comma ]
two [or] three • two | three
blast?. • [Although the period physically precedes the canceled question mark in the MS, it was not inserted, but added, immediately after the question mark was wiped out.]
josh joking • joshking
‸But I am staunch & true.‸ • ‸But I am staunch ‸& true.‸ ‸ . [The sentence was inserted following the last line on the MS page; ‘& true.’ was interlined by Clemens only because he ran out of room.]
1,843. ‸2,343.‸ • 1,8‸2,3‸43. ‸2,343.‸ [Clemens inserted ‘2,3’ over ‘1,8’ to make ‘2,343.’; he then canceled ‘2,343.’ and rewrote it by interlining, for clarity.]
char. • char-|
them, in & — w & would • [Clemens canceled ‘in’ before dotting the ‘i’ by writing ‘&’ over it, which he also canceled; he then began a ‘w’, which he canceled immediately by writing the second ‘&’ over it; he then interlined the dash.]
Magazines • [possibly ‘Magnazines’]
man. Ross • man.—|Ross
stateroom • state-|room
“re-union” • “re-|union”
permit. Write • permit.—|Write
of occasionally • ofccasionally
your • your | your
