To D. F. Appleton
5 December 1877 • Hartford, Conn.
(Transcript: New-England Society 1877, p. 84, UCCL 01508)
(SUPERSEDED)

Dec. 5, 1877]

[D. F. Appleton, Esq.]
[Dear Sir]:

Remembering Mr. Curtis’s great speech, [&] other great [&] enjoyable features of the New-England Society’s last annual banquet, it is with very real regret that I am obliged to deny myself the privilege of being present at this year’s dinner; but I have an offensive business engagement for that day in Hartford. Most people would shirk this, under the temptation which your invitation offers, but I have young George Washington’s disease (which is much rarer now than Bright’s), [&] my word is the one unfracturable thing about me. I do not know what Bright’s disease is, but anyway, I do not feel bright enough this morning to be afraid I have got it.

Still, I shall not be without my share in the pleasures of the occasion for my private telephone will be connected with your banqueting hall, if my plans [&] purposes succeed. It has an improvement of my own invention which I call the Olfactorium, [&] I shall sit by my own [fireside], with a few friends whom I have taken the liberty to invite to your celebration, [&] we will smoke our pipes [&] sip our lemonade, applaud your speeches judiciously, [&] refresh ourselves with a fragrant sniff of each of your courses as it comes on your table. We shall also have one privilege which will be denied to your (otherwise) more fortunate guests: for if an orator ventures to spread himself out over the edges of the regulation ten minutes, he must be proportionately interesting, or we will shut down the lid on him [&] wait for the next speaker. Since we shall necessarily not be in the list of guests appointed to respond to toasts, we shall sorrow to be unable to contribute a sentiment or two to the general entertainment, but there is a new song here which you may not have heard, [&] if you care for music we shall be very glad indeed to sing it for you, by telephone. I am not right sure of the name of it, but I think it is called “In the Sweet By-[&] Bye.”

Again thanking the Committee for the compliment of their invitation, I am, with great respect,

[Mark Twain].

Textual Commentary

Editorial Signs

Description of Texts and Provenance

Copy-text:

Transcript, New-England Society 1877, 84.

Emendations and textual notes:

slc farmington avenue, hartford. | Dec. 5, 1877 • Farmington Avenue, Hartford, Dec 5, 1877

D. F. Appleton, Esq. • D. F. Appleton, Esq.

Dear Sir • Dear Sir

& • and

& • and

& • and

& • and

& • and

fireside • fire-|side

& • and

& • and

& • and

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Mark Twain • MARK TWAIN