Saturday
Dear Mother:
What the “F. ‸at‸ C. ‸ontributor‸” needs is not words;, but ideas. Furnished with the latter, ‸he‸ appears to know as many words as anybody. You perceive by the enclosed that I have helped him to one. I notice on ‸an‸ average of tw once a month, that I have been unintentionally & unknowingly con pumping an idea into the head ‸of one or another‸ of the family of acknowledged ‸village‸ “humorists” of the land. And when I furnish them an idea & also a model, their article is bound to be copied if they stick to the model close enough. Why even the “Fat Contributor” is copied when he stays faithfully by his model & ventures on no disastrous originality.1
Do you know, a Philadelphia imbecile by the name of “John Quill” made quite a weighty local reputation in Ameri reputation for himself simply by printing articles of mine with his name to [them. But ] when I objected, he foolishly tried to write write original articles; & lo & behold you he passed out of the [ liera literary ] world on his first one just as gently a & as peacefully as ever a dead man was toted out on a shutter.2
In a hurry
Yrs
Mark.
We are doing finely—baby boards h with his mother now, half the time. I guess I shall write tomorrow.
P. S. On second thoughts, I publish the article, [ Mon ] next Monday or Tuesday, with the added [headline ] “Plagiarized.” Will you copy it with that added line? {try I am so deliciously tempted to print this letter!3
Explanatory Notes | Textual Commentary
HINTS TO FARMERS.
plagiarized.
by the “fat
contributor.”
[Written for the Cincinnati Times.]
Now that the Winter is approaching, it would perhaps be as well
to discontinue haying, and turn your attention to putting in
your fall saw-logs. No farmer can consider his fall work
complete until he has his cellar well supplied with saw-logs.
Seated around the blazing hearth of a Winter’s night
there is not fruit more delicious. A correspondent asks us what we think of
late plowing. Plowing should not be continued later than ten or
eleven o’clock at night. It gets the horses in the
habit of staying out late, and unduly exposes the plow. We have
known plows to acquire springhalt and inflammatory rheumatism
from late plowing. Don’t do it. To another correspondent who wants us to
suggest a good drain on a farm, we would say a heavy mortgage at
ten per cent. will drain it about as rapidly as anything we know
of. When you make cider select nothing but the
soundest turnips, chopping them into sled length before cradling
them. In boiling your cider use plenty of ice, and when boiled
hang it up in the sun to dry. A pick axe should never be used in picking
apples. It has a tendency to break down the vines and damage the
hive. In sowing your Winter apple jack a horse
rake will be found preferable to a step ladder. Step ladders is
liable to freeze up, and are hardly palatable unless boiled with
sugar. In cutting down hemlock trees for canning
select the largest. Don’t throw away your chips, as
they make fine parlor ornaments encased in rustic frames of salt
and vinegar. The coming cold weather should suggest to
the humane farmer the necessity for a good cow-shed. The
following is a receipt for making a good cow-shed: Pour a
pailful of boiling hot water on her back, and if that does not
make a good cow-shed—her hair—we are no
prophet to anybody. Now is the time for planting your Winter
hay. The pink-eyed Southdown is probably the best variety, as it
don’t need poling and begins to lay early. The Express did not print Clemens’s
letter, nor did the Cleveland Herald
“copy” the Express.
Source text(s):
Previous publication:
L4, 240–241; MTMF, 148–49.
Provenance:see Huntington Library in Description of Provenance.
Emendations and textual notes:
them. But • them.— | But
liera literary • lieraterary [canceled ‘a’ partly formed]
Mon • [‘n’ partly formed]
headline • head-|line